ther·a·py (thr-p) n. pl. ther·a·pies

2. Psychotherapy.3. Healing power or quality: the therapy of fresh air and sun. I believe we all need therapy to get well and without it I simply feel like a walking-breathing pharmaceutical person.  There is so much more to wellness than medication and I have found ways to ‘therapuize’ myself over the years, but it was not always so easy.  People tell you to go see a shrink but the reality is that many certified counselors cost over $100/hr and life coaches charge a similar rate, so what is one to do when you have little money and you need some therapy?

ART THERAPY – I have only learned as of late that I have find much comfort in painting.  I spent a small amount on paints, many that could be bought at the dollar store and soon discovered that with a stroke of the brush it brings me a sense of solace, even at times when I have been frazzled and distraught.  I am able to translate my emotions on paper in a way that is gratifying and it reminds me that I don’t have to ‘look good’ for anybody as this time is just about me. 

POETRY THERAPY – I have been writing poetry for years and I don’t recall when I began.  I just knew that the couplets rhymed at an early age and it allowed me to express myself freely as my friend and I exchanged verses.  I have found throughout my life that writing and writing poetry have both been essential in my healing.  There is nothing more rewarding than having a boyfriend break up with you and slamming him with a few great rhymes and it brought me peace in Korea when I was overseas after one of my hospitalizations.  I have shared many of my poems at www.bipolarbabe.com on the ‘Poetry Therapy’ page with titles such as Embrace the Shadows and Fabulous.  Poetry really helps with my highs and my lows and I often cry bringing me relief easing my pain.  You don’t have to rhyme your poetry but the important thing is to get it out and allow its healing powers to take effect.

SOUND THERAPY – I recently met a young man named J Peachy and he hosts a radio program called Sound Therapy Radio, which can be located at http://soundtherapyradio.com  Sound Therapy Radio – ‘Art of the Mind’  broadcasts on a bi-weekly basis in a spoken word and music format. If you cannot hear it live, an archived broadcast can be heard on this website. They take a client, peer support approach to their content, however you do not have to be in the mental health system to benefit. They hope those not formally diagnosed can become educated about various issues that may apply to them. There is nothing better than some sound or music therapy. Sound Therapy Radio episodes are on every second Monday @ 7pm, (1st, 3rd and 5th Monday) @ CJSF 90.1 FM

I reccomend to try to adopt a G.I. diet lifestyle (low sugar and portioned eating), and I also ensure to drink ALOT of water (10-12 cups a day) to flush my meds through my system.  Walking is free and I enjoy dressing warmly with a winter coat and gloves in the evening, strutting in the Fall weather, while listening to relaxing music.  I need to take time for myself and I often forget this, and when I do I feel amazing.  Most of all I realize that bipolar often has its own ideas and if things fall off course a little, but I can simply turn to my therapies and work to bring myself back to a balance.  I also spend time with friends and family, even if on the  phone, as these are my most significant resources for happiness.  Most of all look in the mirror and realize that you made it here and in the end all things work itself out.  It helps to pray a little too.                                                           

~Babe

Having bipolar disorder I have floated so high as to literally see the stars below me in a breath taking gaze above the earth, and in the next heart beat seeing the devil dancing and laughing at me during a torrid and insane psychosis. It was as real as breathing air into my lungs and as natural as opening my eyes to wake in the morning. Bipolar has brought me to my knees losing all ability to prepare a meal for myself becoming disabled and confined to my bed for days at a time. Taking a shower has felt like an attempt to build a house on my own and I recall not being able to taste my food as ALL things were stale and bland. However, I feel that due to bipolar I laugh harder, feel deeper and at times my thoughts flow in perfect harmony allowing my creative juices to boil for poetry, art and writing. Although my hands shake and I depend on medication to function, I see bipolar as my cursed gift as it has brought me to become a relatable figure opening a space for others to heal and share their story.

We hear the arguments that have almost become trite about mental illness being compared to diabetes or heart disease, but if we were to truly reflect, consider and accept this point of view, then our attitudes toward the mentally ill would certainly alter. Our brains are organic entities and our doctors operate in a biomedical model who tell us that it is merely a chemical dysfunction in the brain, hence the recommendation for prescription drugs. Just as a person with diabetes requires insulin, so do I require a mood stabilizer mixed with an anti-psychotic, but surely my prescription would be the only one that would raise questions and doubts.

Babe Thoughts, Andrea

June is a friend and a beautiful survivor of bipolar disorder and an author of ‘Re-Write Your Life’.  Her book and workshops bring a lot of healing for everyone, and I have experienced it first hand.

Join a group of budding and seasoned writers for a Delicious Writer’s Feast! A free-flowing writing experience that stimulates the imagination and offers a fun and easy approach to creative writing.  It has brought me to be moved, touched and inspired and has assisted me in writing my own book. 

Re-Write Your Life: A Transformational Guide to Writing and Healing the Stories of Our Lives

“June Swadron is both a guide and a muse. Her book is a bright lantern, illuminating the often dark and tricky terrain of the soul. Grounded in personal experience, her techniquescatalyze the deep authenticity possible to us all.” 

Julia Cameron, author of  The Artist’s Way

That is exactly how I have been feeling as I try to coast by way through this medication adjustment period, but taking naps in my car in between errands is the last of my worries.  It feels more like I am life’s surfer crashing, falling and being tossed among the waves of a bipolar storm.  I recently had a medication tweak and I am realizing quite a significant one as I am transitioning from one anti-psychotic to another with a few other tweaks along the way.    I have been experiencing some very strange symptoms and/or side-effects as of late, but I am beginning to wonder if they are all that unique.  I have only heard of one person who has experienced something similar, so here it goes…I will try my best to paint you a picture of the world of babe having an ‘episode’ being affected with bipolar disorder. 

I decided it was going to be a fabulous day and took a stroll with my boyfriend down to Oak Bay Avenue and it was gloriously charming.  The oak trees hung above our heads as we walked holding hands, the air was crisp, and we shared stories about the past and future all the while seal watching on the dock.  As we we returning to the car, it hit me like a wave…whoosh!!!  I was in the surf and tumbling deep into the water…what did this ‘episode’ feel like?  As I stared at the ground, the rocks on the sidewalk started to appear as if they were raised up, like they were a top layer above the laid ashpalt and every tiny speck (mark, dirt, twig, berry, piece of garbage, etc.) became as visible as the cars on the road in front of me.   As I looked over at my boyfriend I told him that the ‘feeling’ I had told him about that I had experienced a long time ago seemed to be creeping over me.  Then my experience became familiar and I was angry…’how could this be happening again?’  The tears began to well…being around people felt uncomfortable and the lights began to beam brightly.  As I sat in the passenger seat I explained that as I tried to focus on letters, whether on a street sign or the back of a car, it was blurry and all lines became fuzzy or doubled.  All of my senses were heightened but in a squirmy and uncomfortable way.  Even depth perception was a blur.  I felt paranoid and uncomfortable in my own skin and it was an overwhelming debilitating feeling that washed over me.

I came home feeling panic stricken and nervous but I began to feel somewhat comforted by the familiar surroundings of my home and my very empathetic boyfriend; I just held my cat while laying on the couch and things eased.  It felt safe to be indoors where all the stimuli did not feel like it was attacking me.  Later on today, I still feel the shell shock effects from the bipolar ‘episode’ but at least I can focus enough to write this blog, which is sure sign that this adjustment will simply be a readjustment into a new balanced and healthy place.  We all surf the waves of life and at some point we crash, get caught up in the waves, maybe even get tossed, but the most important thing is to grab your surf board and keep swimming because eventually you will catch the dream wave and stand long enough to enjoy it.  As I lay here on the shore, I am happy to have had this experience today because it allowed me to share it with you and hopefully encourage you to KEEP ON surfing babe!!

It is a difficult place to be in when someone you care about wants to spend time with you and you want to be with them, but you feel as if you are wrapped in chains and can not get out of bed.  They aren’t really understanding why you are not just simply getting out of bed, but lay lethargic until late in the afternoon and they find it difficult to grasp that it is not something you can just ‘get over’. 

I have been depressed for quite some time now and I realized today that what I actually might be experiencing is a ‘mixed’ state.  I feel all over the place to the point where I often cannot articulate it at all, from feeling so tired that I sleep 12-14 hours a night to now staying up until 3-5AM feeling wired these past 2 weeks and waking up early feeling quite sparky after 4 hours sleep.  I usually then drain and crash for the latter part of the afternoon and intertwined with all of this I am very irritable, sad and then at times intermittently productive, but it is such a whirlwind.  I am not complaining, well maybe a bit, but I have never been in this kind of state before and wonder if anybody else has felt similarly? 

Due to doctor’s orders I am staying awake on 4 hours sleep all day until tonight, hoping that when I double up my sedative medication (also on orders) that I will feel somewhat composed for my 8:30AM appointment with Dr. Song in the morning.  I am off work right now and my boyfriend is right, I don’t know how to relax.  He bought me a beautiful spa package for my birthday and here I am in my pj’s, and feeling so ‘blah’ and feeling quite guilty about it as many of us do.  This is not the blues, this is bipolar BUT I will now stand up and take that shower, make that spa appointment, eat lunch and take a long walk with my boyfriend.  It will feel like I am building a house, moving bricks and wood, but as long as I do a little bit, keep pushing and don’t give in too  much to the depression, I know I will be okay.    It felt good to write that!  Thanks for reading and I love you all! xo  

Babe

Picture credit: elfwood.com